I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
