i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
