I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
