weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
