It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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