I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
