erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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