Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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