I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
