Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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