also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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