we have officially lost it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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