Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
