M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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