so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
