great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
