Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Of course I have a pirate flag
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
