Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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