apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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