He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
