he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
should my penis look like a turkey
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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