Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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