So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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