i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
