It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
