I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You made out with two different species that night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
