No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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