Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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