Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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