I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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