My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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