Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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