I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
