a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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