i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
