I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
