If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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