We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
