dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
