I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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