Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
