I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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