i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
