i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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