I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
