I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
