Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
