Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
