I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
