I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
