I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
